The Mummy Gene
30 Mar 2010 Leave a Comment
in Uncategorized Tags: Children, Opinion, Woman
Most little girls grow up playing ‘mummies and daddies’ in the playground, dragging a baby doll wherever then may go, and believing that a prerequisite of happily ever after is lots of mini you and mes in a country house. So I guess it’s no surprise that straight after people find out I’m engaged, right after the required “but …how OLD are you?” question (yes I am getting married at 22, no I am not an idiot) comes the cheeky grinned remark about my procreation plans. “won’t be long now” they say. “So you’ll be starting a family pretty soon then?” they ponder aloud. And then I give them the answer that women are never supposed to utter:
I don’t want to have Children.
They step away, eyes wide and gasp “But why not?!” as if all women MUST want this wonderous gift.
And yet not all of us do.
Now I don’t claim to know my opinions will be the same in ten years time- who knows maybe my biological clock will finally jumpstart. But I do believe it is unlikely that I will ever want children, and this makes a lot of people uncomfortable. Women who do not want children are not the norm. They are called selfish for not providing grandkids, cousins and playmates. They ‘WILL CHANGE THEIR MINDS’ crow the grandmothers of the tribe.
But they might not. And why? Well I can only give you my reasons. I take parenthood very seriously (as I know do many women) and I only feel I could have a baby if I was completely prepared to put my needs, wants, cares second to theirs. For all my money, time and compassion to be primarily directed at the mini human I had created. And I don’t believe I could. Is that selfish of me? Perhaps. Wouldn’t it be more selfish though to give birth to a baby you were not ready to properly mother?
Mothers are all supposed to love their children no matter what. Even if they become school bullies. Or teenage junkies. Even if they are abusive and violent a mother’s heart must keep giving. And once again I find I am missing the mum gene. I don’t even find babies lovable when they are crying, let alone turning into juvenile delinquents. I was in a local coffee shop as I finished my iced latte one started bawling while its mother was queuing for her vente double shot skim latte whatnot. Another customer oohed and ahhed. I internally congratulated myself for finishing in time to leave.
I don’t hate children. I promise. The NSPCC ads make me cry. I have had my five year old sister in fits of giggles (mind you that doesn’t take much). I love children. I’m pro-choice but also fine with IVF and adoption. If people aren’t ready to be mums the children will suffer. Likewise women who crave motherhood/ children who crave parents will suffer if that need isn’t met. So you see I’m not a monster despite my unnatural feelings. I love children. I just love giving them back more.
